even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
