Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
did i just pee glitter
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
