is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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