I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
