u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
