i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
