So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
