I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
