Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
