How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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