Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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