I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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