Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
