He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
