I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
