The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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