Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
