Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
