i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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