Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
