its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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