i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
