I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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