a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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