no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
