I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
