I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
