walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
