***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
