and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
