I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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