Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
