Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
