your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
