if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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