just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
