Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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