All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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