what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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