a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
