Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
