Already got asked if we're dating
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
