Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
