dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
