guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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