cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
