Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
