Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
