Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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