Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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