A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
