nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
