i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there is puke in my bra ... again
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
