he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
