She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
