meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
