He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
