batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
