Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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