You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
