No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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