come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
