They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
