She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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