You kept calling me your small dog last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
All the doctor said was why
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
