Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
