i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
