New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize