Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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