I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
