Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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