Where is the hickey?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
